He asked me what was wrong. I honestly didn’t have an answer for him. It was a mixture of many things, yet a paradox of none. My attempts at being authentic failed, and instead I succumbed to a paltry mirror image of who everyone expects me to be. I am your wife, your mother, your daughter, your sister, your friend, your employee…but, that’s not me.
I’d embarked on this journey before. Several times actually and this familiar route is always the same.
Get frustrated with my current state of affairs
Yell at everyone in the house just because they’re there
Apologize to everyone in the house for being such a bitch
Blame it on hormones…Aunty Flo, you know
Cry, scream, beat up my pillow
Get an earful of loud gansta rap…so you’re a badass now?
Reach for my essential oils
Meditate, Pray, put my toes in some sand
Kiss my husband (keeping it PG)
Vow to make changes in my life for the better
Smudge, Chant & scream my hearts desires to the Universe
The funky feel good Mojo holds me over just enough until next time. I overdose on that Spiritual fix until the next scenario, until the next ‘Oh this is bull$**!” moment. This time however, things were different. I don’t want a temporary fix. I want to be fixed. I want to be healed. I want to yell at the top of my lungs:
“Sorry that I can’t be who you need me to be today. I’m too busy being the completely delightful, eccentric weirdo that I really am when you’re not looking.”
Things are happening, and I’m excited. My Soul is filling up with so much Love and Power every day that I can hardly contain it. The Universe has recently began introducing a variety of Magical folks into my Life, and ridding me of the toxic ones. I feel strengthened as I shed the layers, upon layers of the fluff that everyone has come to know. Yes, I’m afraid of letting you see me bare, and unrehearsed. But that fear is no match for my desire to step on the opposite side of this momentary high. I have dreams that I refuse to simply let rest inside of my mind. I have goals that can’t be contained to a page on my Journal. I have a vision that won’t be regulated to one weekend a month. I have desires that don’t fit into the time left over after ten hours of running on the hamster wheel. I have a Wise Spirit who needs to break free, be me and soar….
Break out of your Comfort Zone my friends...what’s the worst that could happen? Okay, but guess what? It WON’T. Allow yourself to LIVE instead of merely going through life. Come on this journey with me. Somebody, somewhere, long ago lied to us. Someone told us that the struggle, the hustle and the misery were all a part of it. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. There is Zen. I refer to it as the Zen Lounge. A place where you, me, he and she can relax, reflect, and renew. I’m going, will I see you there?