Reckoning this to my merely being upset, would be an understatement. I was LIVID. To think that someone who I cared so much for, could hurt me in this way had shaken me to my core. I'd spent days harboring resentment mixed with a bitterness so deep, that my stomach ached. I replayed in my head each word, each glance, each disparaging turn. As quickly as it'd become so incredibly loud, there was now a deafening silence. While spitting out the last profanity, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I can't say that I liked what I saw. My eyes were bulging out of my head, a vein in my neck was pulsating, my hands were trembling, and my heart was pounding. Meanwhile, the person who'd upset me had aptly moved on without a care. Totally indifferent to the pain, and grief they'd caused me. Well dang! If that don't be all. My husband, the diplomatic peacemaker, called out to me. Urging me to come back and talk to him, as I backed out the driveway. His rational tone would be wasted on me in this moment. I was already well past the point of reasoning. He just couldn't understand. He didn't hear what this person had said to me. He wasn't there when this person lied to me. His comforting words couldn't soothe through my inability to feel anything but my own rage.
I drove around for what seemed like hours, only to find myself a mere four miles from my front door. As I removed my sandals, and sank my feet deeper into the sand, I inhaled deeply. The cool autumn waves crashed against my ankles, sending a jolt of vigor throughout my body. In the respite of it all, I let out a low, deep hum. The intensity of my breaths startled me, as I looked around to see if anyone noticed the crazy lady sobbing at the lake. I was alone. I plopped down in a huff, sitting on a mound of soft, fine sand. I took notice of the gathering cranes who'd began to fellowship close by. I peered at the minnow who hurriedly swam around my feet. I looked to the heavens to marvel in the beautiful midday Florida sky. I sat there in the stillness of it all, a spectator in awe. I was overcome with emotion as I realized that no one, not ever, no how....should ever get me to that level of anger. No one with their words, or actions should have the ability to alter the joy that is within me. Too often, we get caught up in what people have done to hurt us, that we fail to see that mentally repeating the act hurts us even more. To you, the one who hurt me, I forgive you. No, I will not give you another chance to hurt me, but in order for me to move on in peace, I forgive you.
My phone has twelve missed calls, and five text messages. I guess I have been out here for a while. I pick up the phone to let him know that I'm alright. "Yes honey, I'm on my way home. Yes, I feel better. I'm sorry that I worried you. I just needed to be alone, to be at Peace, and to Be Still."
Bright Blessings > Wise Spirit