Tuesday, November 21, 2017

We're all excited.
But we don't know why.
Maybe it's 'cause, we're all gonna die.
And when we do.
What's it all for?
You better LIVE now, Before the Grim Reaper come knocking on your door...
~ Prince/Let's Go Crazy
At some point, I stopped enjoying myself. My days had become routine and oh so ordinary. Granted, I had no desire to climb Mt. Everest, go skydiving, or anything mind-blowing like that. I did want to return to a place where there was awe and wonder in my life. I wanted to find idle time to sit on a park bench and daydream. I wanted to lay on the beach, enjoy a good book, while delighting in the sound of crashing waves. I wanted to write more and worry less. I needed to find the courage to truly step off that {self imposed} ledge and fly.
"It's time to let loose baby girl. Life is short," I tell myself...it's time to Go Crazy!

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Living My Purpose

I watched her, with my mouth wide-opened as she happily bounced out of her car and into the Dollar Tree Store. In an instant, I imagined her life and who she was. I envisioned her entire wonderfully planned day and groaned. She had long, beautiful, purple curls hanging in her face. That deep, rich purple that I would've loved to have dyed my hair as an awe struck Prince fan back in the 80s. She had a tattoo sleeve gracing her right arm, and a beautiful Celtic design on her left leg. Her green Kia Soul had an Om sticker on the back window, with a Hello Kitty license plate holder. She wore a long flowing white cotton shirt, with a black camisole underneath. Her black pants had glittery blue specks weaved into hem. She had a huge funky, Boho type handbag that simply read 'Peace' across the front of it. Her Mala and silver bangles made a sort of melody as they clicked together. 

I told myself that she was a Yoga teacher, but then tossed that idea in favor of her being the owner of a New Age Holistic Center. I smiled at the thought of her going about her day filled with joy and contentment. "She's so lucky," I muttered under my breath. This mystery woman who appeared to be around my age looked so happy, so at ease, so...not like me. She, unlike me was living her purpose. An idea that most of us don't ever grasp. Earlier this year, I'd hopped off of the hamster wheel and was able to enjoy a relatively nice go at being a Freelance Writer and Counseling full time. Everything was going smoothly until a panic fueled, irrational thought entered my mind, and I found myself calling an old employer to inquire about a job. Friends couldn't understand why I'd abandon my seventeen year profession. Family didn't comprehend my working from home as a legitimate means of employment. Strangers cast skeptical stares as I 'worked' form the booth at Panera Bread. Perhaps I was doing something wrong. Perhaps this whole idea wouldn't work....

Fast forward >>> I'm miserable! I haven't written a chapter, a page, or a paragraph in almost two months. My 'soon to be released' novel is soon to be forgotten. And, in a flustering switcheroo of roles, my clients are instead reaching out to me to ask if I'm doing okay. Yeah, I've been MIA for longer than I'd like. I must remind myself that this current location is not my final destination. I must reach deep inside to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation, to that creative Spirit inside of me who is forever nudging to break free. I must turn a deaf ear to those who feel the need to comment negatively on every aspect of my life. I must remove myself from situations that no longer serv a purpose, and at times caused pain. I must  distance myself from places that hinder my Spiritual growth. I must...Live My Purpose!

Universe, I'm ready! I'm ready to trust and believe that no matter what, with a little elbow grease, faith and dedication to my vision, that I will most certainly succeed. I'm ready to follow my instincts and honor what I know in my heart is best for me. I'm ready to tell fear to get the #$@! out of my face as I push forward and embrace my ability to accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

I'm ready to...dye my hair Purple!

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Removing the Mask

He asked me what was wrong. I honestly didn’t have an answer for him. It was a mixture of many things, yet a paradox of none. My attempts at being authentic failed, and instead I succumbed to a paltry mirror image of who everyone expects me to be. I am your wife, your mother, your daughter, your sister, your friend, your employee…but, that’s not me.
I’d embarked on this journey before. Several times actually and this familiar route is always the same.

  • Get frustrated with my current state of affairs
  • Yell at everyone in the house just because they’re there
  • Apologize to everyone in the house for being such a bitch
  • Blame it on hormones…Aunty Flo, you know
  • Cry, scream, beat up my pillow
  • Get an earful of loud gansta rap…so you’re a badass now?
  • Reach for my essential oils
  • Meditate, Pray, put my toes in some sand
  • Kiss my husband (keeping it PG)
  • Vow to make changes in my life for the better
  • Smudge, Chant & scream my hearts desires to the Universe

The funky feel good Mojo holds me over just enough until next time. I overdose on that Spiritual fix until the next scenario, until the next ‘Oh this is bull$**!” moment. This time however, things were different. I don’t want a temporary fix. I want to be fixed. I want to be healed. I want to yell at the top of my lungs:

“Sorry that I can’t be who you need me to be today. I’m too busy being the completely delightful, eccentric weirdo that I really am when you’re not looking.”

Things are happening, and I’m excited. My Soul is filling up with so much Love and Power every day that I can hardly contain it. The Universe has recently began introducing a variety of Magical folks into my Life, and ridding me of the toxic ones. I feel strengthened as I shed the layers, upon layers of the fluff that everyone has come to know. Yes, I’m afraid of letting you see me bare, and unrehearsed. But that fear is no match for my desire to step on the opposite side of this momentary high. I have dreams that I refuse to simply let rest inside of my mind. I have goals that can’t be contained to a page on my Journal. I have a vision that won’t be regulated to one weekend a month. I have desires that don’t fit into the time left over after ten hours of running on the hamster wheel. I have a Wise Spirit who needs to break free, be me and soar….

Break out of your Comfort Zone my friends...what’s the worst that could happen? Okay, but guess what? It WON’T. Allow yourself to LIVE instead of merely going through life. Come on this journey with me. Somebody, somewhere, long ago lied to us. Someone told us that the struggle, the hustle and the misery were all a part of it. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. There is Zen. I refer to it as the Zen Lounge. A place where you, me, he and she can relax, reflect, and renew. I’m going, will I see you there? 

>Wise Spirit